- why do you use that, though? It's usually something a wife reserves for a husband or vice versa.
- just wondering why someone so against mateship would say things like that :)
Why do I use such terms of endearment? Well, the individual in question is one of my closer friends and someone I've known for a rather long time. I don't see any chance of a "relationship" working out between us, though I definitely am hopeful we can remain good friends for a rather long time. But he, as well as a few of my other friends, are very close to me, much as one might regard their boyfriend/mate/husband/whatever. There are several people that I feel extremely close to (though, admittedly, not as many as I have in the past) and, while I can't say there's anyone that has expressed an interest in being anything more than friends lately, I certainly am content with having those few good friends. And, far as I can tell, they seem to be similarly happy with the situation as well.
As for the second statement, it's not so much that I'm against mateship as that I'm against the way most people act when they have a significant other of some form. It ends up, probably 95% of the time, changing the person's personality significantly for the worse. The majority of relationships people get into outside the fandom are unhealthy enough, and when you account for the decidedly high instance of mental illness among furs (e.g. I have mild depression, while others have such severe emotional dysfunction they get social security for it), it just seems the the odds of any given relationship being healthy are so low as to be practically negligible. I can name perhaps two or three relationships that I'd describe as healthy out of the two or three hundred that I've encountered. Yes, I would go so far as to say that 99% of mateships in the fandom are unhealthy for at least one of the parties involved, if not both, or all three (or four, or seven, or twelve...) if you want to start allowing for love polygons. :p
I definitely don't like the idea of a constrictive relationship, that is, one in which the partners simply tell one another "Don't do this, that, or those" instead of trying to compromise and trust one another's judgment. As simple as that statement is, compromise and trust seem to be two things that are sorely lacking in almost all of those relationships that I'm complaining about. It seems like the worst offenders are the ones who constantly cling to one another instead of simply allowing one another to go off and enjoy the company of others, whether it be for "naughty things" or even something as simple as a card game. The couples that insist on constantly being in the closest possible contact with one another are the most obnoxious. If you don't want to let go of your partner for any longer than it takes to come up for air and can't finish a sentence without telling everyone how wonderful your lover is, why do you even bother coming out of your bedroom?
All of that being said, if someone I've known for a while approached me and expressed an interest in being mates, I can't say I'd immediately reject the idea. I would at least consider it after having a nice, long chat. There probably are only a couple of such eligible bachelors out there - and I daren't even approach them on the subject for fear of screwing up some of my closest friendships - but I would at least be willing to talk to them about it if they brought it up.
Just to put one more thing out there to stop this problem in advance. If I haven't talked to you in the last month, you're definitely not one of those people, so don't even ask; I've had more than enough drama from people insisting that they'd be perfect for me when, in reality, they just think my genitals are a perfect fit for theirs. I'm also pretty sure that half to most of this is going to be incoherent, but at least it's out here now. Whee. *thud, snore*
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