Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Anxiety
Labels:
psychological
One thing that I really, really dislike doing is interacting in real-life with people I don't know. Why? Because even in the simplest of situations, I can't seem to figure out how to not piss people off. Take, for example, checking in at the warehouse here. This place requires drivers to check in on the CB radio. I hate using the radio. It took me five minutes just to get up the nerve to try paging the guard once, then I never got a response. Several other drivers checked in after that without a problem. I tried again, didn't get a response, then repeated myself as other drivers had, only to get a snappy "Hold on a minute" instead of the polite responses that the other drivers had received when they did the same thing. At this point, I was shaking in the seat; I really, really do not handle that sort of thing well.
I'm checked in now, but I'm still twitching as I type this, ten minutes later. -_-
I'm checked in now, but I'm still twitching as I type this, ten minutes later. -_-
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Lunchtime posts
Just a few random things I thought of while eating:
* Mozilla Minefield kicks ass. That's the code name for Firefox 3 and beta 2 is available for download. Make sure you read the disclaimer before you install, especially the part about your computer catching fire.
* I have Sunday off and might get to see Matthais again. We went to Gettysburg last time I was in town; I'll upload some of those pictures eventually. If we meet up tomorrow we'll likely find somewhere to watch football. Not much else to do on a Sunday.
* I seem to find it impossible to sleep before midnight. Not good when you need to be up by 6 AM.
Anyway, I have a couple posts typed on my laptop that will auto-post when I hop online this evening. See everyone in about eight hours.
Friendships, relationships, etc.
I was having a conversation with someone earlier this evening when he had to go to dinner. I said "see you later, hon" and it turned into a ten minute conversation about the oddity of me saying such a thing. Two comments by this other person stood out:
Why do I use such terms of endearment? Well, the individual in question is one of my closer friends and someone I've known for a rather long time. I don't see any chance of a "relationship" working out between us, though I definitely am hopeful we can remain good friends for a rather long time. But he, as well as a few of my other friends, are very close to me, much as one might regard their boyfriend/mate/husband/whatever. There are several people that I feel extremely close to (though, admittedly, not as many as I have in the past) and, while I can't say there's anyone that has expressed an interest in being anything more than friends lately, I certainly am content with having those few good friends. And, far as I can tell, they seem to be similarly happy with the situation as well.
As for the second statement, it's not so much that I'm against mateship as that I'm against the way most people act when they have a significant other of some form. It ends up, probably 95% of the time, changing the person's personality significantly for the worse. The majority of relationships people get into outside the fandom are unhealthy enough, and when you account for the decidedly high instance of mental illness among furs (e.g. I have mild depression, while others have such severe emotional dysfunction they get social security for it), it just seems the the odds of any given relationship being healthy are so low as to be practically negligible. I can name perhaps two or three relationships that I'd describe as healthy out of the two or three hundred that I've encountered. Yes, I would go so far as to say that 99% of mateships in the fandom are unhealthy for at least one of the parties involved, if not both, or all three (or four, or seven, or twelve...) if you want to start allowing for love polygons. :p
I definitely don't like the idea of a constrictive relationship, that is, one in which the partners simply tell one another "Don't do this, that, or those" instead of trying to compromise and trust one another's judgment. As simple as that statement is, compromise and trust seem to be two things that are sorely lacking in almost all of those relationships that I'm complaining about. It seems like the worst offenders are the ones who constantly cling to one another instead of simply allowing one another to go off and enjoy the company of others, whether it be for "naughty things" or even something as simple as a card game. The couples that insist on constantly being in the closest possible contact with one another are the most obnoxious. If you don't want to let go of your partner for any longer than it takes to come up for air and can't finish a sentence without telling everyone how wonderful your lover is, why do you even bother coming out of your bedroom?
All of that being said, if someone I've known for a while approached me and expressed an interest in being mates, I can't say I'd immediately reject the idea. I would at least consider it after having a nice, long chat. There probably are only a couple of such eligible bachelors out there - and I daren't even approach them on the subject for fear of screwing up some of my closest friendships - but I would at least be willing to talk to them about it if they brought it up.
Just to put one more thing out there to stop this problem in advance. If I haven't talked to you in the last month, you're definitely not one of those people, so don't even ask; I've had more than enough drama from people insisting that they'd be perfect for me when, in reality, they just think my genitals are a perfect fit for theirs. I'm also pretty sure that half to most of this is going to be incoherent, but at least it's out here now. Whee. *thud, snore*
- why do you use that, though? It's usually something a wife reserves for a husband or vice versa.
- just wondering why someone so against mateship would say things like that :)
Why do I use such terms of endearment? Well, the individual in question is one of my closer friends and someone I've known for a rather long time. I don't see any chance of a "relationship" working out between us, though I definitely am hopeful we can remain good friends for a rather long time. But he, as well as a few of my other friends, are very close to me, much as one might regard their boyfriend/mate/husband/whatever. There are several people that I feel extremely close to (though, admittedly, not as many as I have in the past) and, while I can't say there's anyone that has expressed an interest in being anything more than friends lately, I certainly am content with having those few good friends. And, far as I can tell, they seem to be similarly happy with the situation as well.
As for the second statement, it's not so much that I'm against mateship as that I'm against the way most people act when they have a significant other of some form. It ends up, probably 95% of the time, changing the person's personality significantly for the worse. The majority of relationships people get into outside the fandom are unhealthy enough, and when you account for the decidedly high instance of mental illness among furs (e.g. I have mild depression, while others have such severe emotional dysfunction they get social security for it), it just seems the the odds of any given relationship being healthy are so low as to be practically negligible. I can name perhaps two or three relationships that I'd describe as healthy out of the two or three hundred that I've encountered. Yes, I would go so far as to say that 99% of mateships in the fandom are unhealthy for at least one of the parties involved, if not both, or all three (or four, or seven, or twelve...) if you want to start allowing for love polygons. :p
I definitely don't like the idea of a constrictive relationship, that is, one in which the partners simply tell one another "Don't do this, that, or those" instead of trying to compromise and trust one another's judgment. As simple as that statement is, compromise and trust seem to be two things that are sorely lacking in almost all of those relationships that I'm complaining about. It seems like the worst offenders are the ones who constantly cling to one another instead of simply allowing one another to go off and enjoy the company of others, whether it be for "naughty things" or even something as simple as a card game. The couples that insist on constantly being in the closest possible contact with one another are the most obnoxious. If you don't want to let go of your partner for any longer than it takes to come up for air and can't finish a sentence without telling everyone how wonderful your lover is, why do you even bother coming out of your bedroom?
All of that being said, if someone I've known for a while approached me and expressed an interest in being mates, I can't say I'd immediately reject the idea. I would at least consider it after having a nice, long chat. There probably are only a couple of such eligible bachelors out there - and I daren't even approach them on the subject for fear of screwing up some of my closest friendships - but I would at least be willing to talk to them about it if they brought it up.
Just to put one more thing out there to stop this problem in advance. If I haven't talked to you in the last month, you're definitely not one of those people, so don't even ask; I've had more than enough drama from people insisting that they'd be perfect for me when, in reality, they just think my genitals are a perfect fit for theirs. I'm also pretty sure that half to most of this is going to be incoherent, but at least it's out here now. Whee. *thud, snore*
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Obvious news is obvious
Who are the 15 percent who say U.S. is on right track? I think that's a good question, but the article in linked to the left certainly provides the answer most of us expected: old, stupid, bible-thumping republican conservatives who have had way too much of John McCain's Kool-Aid.
"Of those in the poll taking an optimistic view, 52 percent are age 50 and up; 51 percent have no more than a high school diploma; and 43 percent attend religious services once or more each week. ... Six in 10 right-track people are Republican and slightly more than that are conservatives, both far exceeding the national average. Likely voters in the poll saying the country is moving the right way prefer McCain over Democrat Barack Obama by 73 percent to 25 percent."
Monday, October 20, 2008
A perverse question
Since I've no idea who actually is reading this these days (though that lovely little counter on the right says there are at least ten of you), I figured I'd ask opinion before just posting and getting responses along the lines of "Eww, gross." So, here goes. *ahem*
If I were to make a rather lengthy, detailed post about things I would like, both sexual and otherwise, would anyone want to read it?
If I were to make a rather lengthy, detailed post about things I would like, both sexual and otherwise, would anyone want to read it?
Anthrocon puts the "con" back in convention.
I was linked to Anthrocon's policy on hotel reservations. Apparently, this year, you can't cancel your reservation without losing your deposit regardless of how much notice you give, you can't transfer your reservation for any reason, the hotel will not give out extra keys for any reason, and you are required to let housekeeping staff into your room for a daily inspection whether or not you want service. So, basically, even if you have a medical emergency or simply have to change your plans, you're still out at least $150; some people have complained they were being billed for more than just the first night and, as such, are out quite a bit more.
While I can kind of understand the "no refunds" policy, as it keeps people from taking up rooms they can't fill, preventing people from transferring the rooms is patently absurd. It's just another way the con has found to completely screw over the people who want to attend. If something happens, people should at least be able to transfer the room to someone else who can make the event. The "no spare keys" policy is also ridiculous; while issuing a dozen keys for a "one-person" room is definitely suspect, there are times when having a spare key is valuable. Also, if I don't want housekeeping in my room, I don't want housekeeping in my room. I don't care what corporate says: "do not disturb" is a very, very simple request. And while I've been fortunate enough to never have anything stolen, I know plenty of people who have had expensive electronics and the like simply disappear from their rooms. One person, who had the only key to his room and no roommates who could have gone through his stuff, had a $900 camera "vanish" after the room was made.
I'm just waiting for people to finally realize that Anthrocon is the most overrated event in the entire fandom, run by a bunch of elitist pricks who don't give a rat's ass about anything except their inflate egos.The only reason at all to attend are the people, all of whom have been duped into spending vast sums of money for an event that isn't even worth the cost of a plane ticket. Seriously, if you're even thinking about going, don't. Find a smaller convention or just visit your friends directly. It'll be cheaper and you'll enjoy it far more. If enough people decide not to go to Anthrcon, maybe we'll be lucky enough to have the con implode and either change its policies completely or - even better - simply cease to exist.
While I can kind of understand the "no refunds" policy, as it keeps people from taking up rooms they can't fill, preventing people from transferring the rooms is patently absurd. It's just another way the con has found to completely screw over the people who want to attend. If something happens, people should at least be able to transfer the room to someone else who can make the event. The "no spare keys" policy is also ridiculous; while issuing a dozen keys for a "one-person" room is definitely suspect, there are times when having a spare key is valuable. Also, if I don't want housekeeping in my room, I don't want housekeeping in my room. I don't care what corporate says: "do not disturb" is a very, very simple request. And while I've been fortunate enough to never have anything stolen, I know plenty of people who have had expensive electronics and the like simply disappear from their rooms. One person, who had the only key to his room and no roommates who could have gone through his stuff, had a $900 camera "vanish" after the room was made.
I'm just waiting for people to finally realize that Anthrocon is the most overrated event in the entire fandom, run by a bunch of elitist pricks who don't give a rat's ass about anything except their inflate egos.The only reason at all to attend are the people, all of whom have been duped into spending vast sums of money for an event that isn't even worth the cost of a plane ticket. Seriously, if you're even thinking about going, don't. Find a smaller convention or just visit your friends directly. It'll be cheaper and you'll enjoy it far more. If enough people decide not to go to Anthrcon, maybe we'll be lucky enough to have the con implode and either change its policies completely or - even better - simply cease to exist.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Stop... that... damn... song
There is a crane game behind me with the most annoying "happy" music, running on a twenty second loop. There's nowhere to sit here that isn't within earshot of that infernal machine. As much as I dislike country music, I'd much prefer listening to that instead of the loop coming from that thing. If I weren't waiting on a shower I'd just leave. >_<
Eagleheart
This song has been stuck in my head for a rather long time now. I'm not going to pull the usual "paste the whole song's lyrics" but I am going to at least put the chorus down here. Go watch the video (so you can listen to the song) if you've not heard it before.
Heart of an eagle
He flies through the rainbow
Into a new world and finds the sun
Spreading his wings above all the sorrows
The glory of Eagleheart
Heart of an eagle
He flies through the rainbow
Into a new world and finds the sun
Spreading his wings above all the sorrows
The glory of Eagleheart
Friday, October 17, 2008
Happy Meme thing
Stolen from various people over on LameJournal: Post 10 things that are going right in your life right now. I don’t care how small. You’re happy with your cup of coffee. You saw a flock of geese flying over. ANYTHING. Things that make you happy. Things that make you smile.
- I got to go to the best pizza place in Pensacola last night with two of the local furs.
- I have a work assignment that, for once, actually leaves me a reasonable amount of time to deliver. Added bonus: it's just short enough that I get a bonus for it being a crappy run.
- I finally broke another big milestone in my savings account.
- There's a nearly full moon tonight and, with the clouds positioned as they are, it looks simply haunting in the sky. I only wish I could get a decent photo of it to share.
- For the first time in ... I can't remember how long, I actually get to sleep in as long as I want tomorrow. As such, I'm fully expecting to get at least 12 hours of unconsciousness in. :)
- Pandora radio. Particularly this station that I've been training.
- The simple fact that, in less than one hundred days, Bush will be something you find in a garden and not the White House.
- Sex. ... Do I really need to explain that one to anybody?
- MFF is coming up in a little over a month. I have a room arranged, plane tickets bought, and registration paid for.
- I have no debt. None.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Pricing Problem
2 GB SD card - $11.88
Confusing Wal-mart employees - priceless
Nervous, no wreck
I'm stressed to the point that all I can do is whimper and shake uncontrollably. Even standing up is hard. I really don't know how much more I can do...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Taking a break
Been spending too much time online lately and been enjoying too little of it. I'm not going to get on any messenger services for a while. If you need to get a hold of me, e-mail or call me.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
More odd business names
While riding back to the operating center, I saw a sign for "Club Gastronomico." With a name like that, it's not hard to come up with vorish possibilities.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Gas prices go boom
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Link between emotional dysfunction and creativity
Well, this certainly explains furries, who are both generally creative and generally fucked in the head. :p
"There have been more than 20 studies that suggest an increased rate of bipolar and depressive illnesses in highly creative people . . ."
"There have been more than 20 studies that suggest an increased rate of bipolar and depressive illnesses in highly creative people . . ."
Monday, October 6, 2008
Today's shocker
My parents disclosed something today that I'd suspected for a rather long time: I'm adopted. Can't say it makes any difference in how I feel about them. I still like mom and... Uh... Tolerate dad. I'm never going to know my biological parents so it's not like this makes a bit of difference. *shrug*
STD Testing
I figured that, as a sexually active gay male, it would probably be a good idea to get myself tested. I doubt I have anything but "doubt" isn't a very good antibiotic or treatment plan if I do. So I called the insurance company to find out if it's covered (it is, but only under the general medical services part) and find out who to talk to. They suggested a primary care physician. I called a couple of such physicians and they all referred me to the health department; none of them do such screenings in their office (and none of them had any openings for two weeks anyway). The health department said it would take three to four weeks to get results and - and here is the one huge problem - I would have to come back to the office in person to get the test results.
Why is coming back a problem? Quite simply, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to come back to get the results at all. I'm only going to be getting home Wednesday evening before MFF and have to leave for work Tuesday morning; unless they get me home exceptionally early on Wednesday or let me have an extra day off, there's no time at all for me to even go in and get my results. The next time I come home wouldn't be until around Christmas and their offices will probably be closed for the holiday, if I'm home on a weekday at all. This means I couldn't get any results for more than three months, at which point the information is damn near useless; I could have just as easily gotten something at MFF or (worse) have something already and simply have no way of knowing it because nobody will give me my test results.
Apparently it's a legal requirement that information about HIV/AIDS status never be given over the phone: both clinics and the insurance company said that after I spent more than half an hour on the phone trying to find out what I can do. So what can I do? Absolutely nothing, it seems. The Santa Rosa County health department requires appointments and didn't have any openings today, while the Escambia County health department does walk-in appointments but only takes 12 people each morning and each afternoon; the afternoon session started at 12:30 and they probably have too many people in line by now anyway since they fill up rather quickly. No other organization or doctor in the area provides testing services to the general public; I looked.
I just wish I knew what to do now.
Why is coming back a problem? Quite simply, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to come back to get the results at all. I'm only going to be getting home Wednesday evening before MFF and have to leave for work Tuesday morning; unless they get me home exceptionally early on Wednesday or let me have an extra day off, there's no time at all for me to even go in and get my results. The next time I come home wouldn't be until around Christmas and their offices will probably be closed for the holiday, if I'm home on a weekday at all. This means I couldn't get any results for more than three months, at which point the information is damn near useless; I could have just as easily gotten something at MFF or (worse) have something already and simply have no way of knowing it because nobody will give me my test results.
Apparently it's a legal requirement that information about HIV/AIDS status never be given over the phone: both clinics and the insurance company said that after I spent more than half an hour on the phone trying to find out what I can do. So what can I do? Absolutely nothing, it seems. The Santa Rosa County health department requires appointments and didn't have any openings today, while the Escambia County health department does walk-in appointments but only takes 12 people each morning and each afternoon; the afternoon session started at 12:30 and they probably have too many people in line by now anyway since they fill up rather quickly. No other organization or doctor in the area provides testing services to the general public; I looked.
I just wish I knew what to do now.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Hey, America1 Register to vote! NOW!
I'm not going to harp about politics here, since I've pretty much made up my mind about the election and I imagine that most of the people reading this have as well. However, I would like to take a moment to remind you to register to vote if you have not done so already. If you have registered in the past, verify that you are still registered. Both take just a couple minutes and could make the difference in November. The deadlines in most states are approaching quickly - in some states today is the deadline - and if you miss out, you have nobody to blame but yourself. Don't spend the next four years wishing you'd voted.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
F1 Predictions
Since Ferrari have sucked wonderfully in the last two rounds, scoring nothing in Singapore and just three points in Italy, Merecdes-McLaren have the lead in the constructors' championship. I made a couple predictions a month ago on this and both have proven to be quite profitable. Though I will concede that I don't actually think BMW Sauber have a chance of winning the title, a 2,300% return on that wager is awfully nice and it's quite tempting to just cash it in now.
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