Where sexuality meets respect

An acquaintance and I were talking earlier this afternoon. I'd mentioned something I'd written that may have been partially relevant to his interests. While I knew he wasn't going to like every aspect of it - there was one kink in particular that I knew he would be disinterested in - I went ahead and shared anyway.

His immediate response? "Ew XD"

...

This is a very good example of the kind of reaction I fear I'll get any time I share something that isn't perfectly acceptable in every way by every person that might come across it. It has a lot to do with why I tend not to do nearly as much writing as I used to and, in part, why I seem to be far more active on Twitter than almost anywhere else: It's rather difficult to be controversial in 140 characters or less. Considering that the sort of things I like most are the sort of things I also basically don't have an audience for, why should I bother?

After his first post he did say it was decently written and detailed - though he refused to say anything more specific about details he liked - but never once did he apologize for his initial "lighthearted" reaction even after I said I found it highly offensive and insensitive. Instead, he went off on a rant and said he thought I expected him to be his "submissive little *****" (censorship his, but no points for guessing the meaning) when I simply expected a bit of common decency from someone who also has a kink that would absolutely disgust most people.

This is especially troubling given that the person in question has been pushing me hard to be more open with him, to trust him, and all manner of other things that he - frankly - hasn't earned. I'm not sure I can even respect him any more, let alone some of the other things he said he wanted and implied he expected. After I said that his reaction makes it extremely unlikely that I'll be sharing much of anything with him in the future, he took offense to that without acknowledging I just might have had a valid reason to be upset in the first place.

All I expect from people with regard to such things is a little bit of respect. There's a massive difference between going "ew" and saying "I'm not really into that, but thanks anyway." This holds doubly true for people who explicitly ask me to share more things with them, though that has been an incredibly rare occurrence for me in recent years and has led me to just be quiet about my personal stuff most of the time.

I honestly have no idea what to do about this particular incident, but I'm still extremely upset about it several hours later. I'm no longer physically shaking, as I was at the time, but I'm literally losing sleep over it. If this weren't still bugging me I'd probably have been in bed sleeping soundly an hour or two ago. Instead I'm writing this out to try get it off my mind. I doubt the offending individual will ever read this; part of me hopes he doesn't. I also have no intention of publicly naming and shaming him; my conscience wouldn't allow it. So I'm just posting this here and ... well, whatever happens, happens.

Another attempt at loosely defining my sex life.

I posted this on an adult website two nights ago and am reasonably certain nobody will ever read it there, so I'm reposting it here. Be warned that this is possibly too much information regarding my offline sexual interests. Reader discretion is advised.

Though I signed up here some time ago, I've only finally gotten around to browsing the site this evening. As such it seems appropriate that I write at least something here by means of introduction.

First, a tl;dr version, for those just browsing pages: I'd like to actually start doing some things offline that I've been doing via cybersex for years.

Now, for those wanting a more thorough explanation:

My interests started overwhelmingly in macro and furry. Yes, I was one of those people that enjoyed Godzilla a little too much, among too many other things to list here. So I started looking for porn, somehow ended up on a site that also agreed that Godzilla was sexy, and the rest has pretty much been history.

Most of my sexual experiences have been within the scope of the furry fandom. Given that furries tend to spend way too much time online (myself included), this has resulted in a considerable number of fantastic RP experiences. Many of them are things that are simply impossible in real life, such as trying to masturbate a 300-foot-long dragon, but some of them have also helped to define some the kinks that I've either enjoyed offline or things that I'd really like to try.

And this is the problem with trying to explore some of those interests: I have absolutely no idea where to begin. I've been to a gay club, once, and felt incredibly awkward as I don't know how to approach someone to express an interest. While I have had a few good experiences at furry conventions, mostly thanks to room parties arranged on a now-defunct Yahoo group, I haven't had much luck outside of that setting. Anyone I've had sex with that I didn't meet at a convention has been someone that was introduced as a friend of a friend. While that does help weed out most of the crazy, it also leads to things being a rather overly-tight circle(jerk) and doesn't give me much chance of finding someone who actually is into most of the things I'm into.

So what am I into? Good question, frankly. While I have a page on F-list, many of those things would be either foolish or impossible to do offline. At some point I'll probably transcribe most of that over here, but there's the link in the meantime. I list myself as "unsure" here because I'm not sure which category I'd fit into, or even if I'll fit into any one category at all. I certainly prefer being a bottom, though I can occasionally top for a good friend or for someone whose limits I'm already familiar with. I like the concept of being submissive or even a slave, but have serious reservations about getting into such things full time. Besides, I like the thought of telling people "Fuck me already" from time to time, which seems far too assertive for someone strictly submissive. Kinkster or fetishist may also fit, given the somewhat long list of kinks I'd be interested in trying, but there are also plenty of times that I'd just like to curl up with someone and simply give them a long, relatively vanilla blowjob.

It seems only fitting that this has turned into a long, rambling, jumbled narrative, as that seems to describe things quite well on its own. Sometimes I think too much about stuff, or go on for far longer than strictly necessary. And then sometimes my train of thought abruptly comes to an end, leaving me with no idea what to say or do next. This has suddenly become one of those times.