Exit strategy

For those who aren't following me on Twitter, allow me to summarize events from earlier this evening: Kali and I asked Kaiser to poke a guest who had promised to order pizza in exchange for his housing. He apparently told the guy he had time to play one more (30+ minute) game before coming down to discuss dinner. Kaiser then came down about 10-15 minutes later to ask why pizza hadn't been ordered yet. I called him out on it, and after a rather sudden and sharp escalation in exchange, he went into rather exacting detail about how he intended to assault me and that if I dared provoke him further he would be tried for manslaughter. So, I did the only thing I could do.

I left.

Over an hour later, after a few fragmented discussions with people via Twitter, I came inside, grabbed the dinner I'd cooked earlier, and went to my room. I'm still there, with a chair firmly lodged in front of the door to prevent anyone from entering. I have the TV on, mostly for sake of having noise to drown out anything else going on in the house and to have a distraction from the things going on. I don't want to be here. I don't know where I want to be, who I want to be with, nor how to make anything even remotely positive happen. It seems like the only thing recent weeks have proven is that everything I attempt to do just ends up making things worse and worse.

So I'm seriously considering turning the clock back about a year. I'm planning on calling my former employer back and asking to resume over-the-road truck driving. I want to get off the lease here, put things in storage once again, and basically disappear for weeks at a time. It seems almost painfully obvious that I'm not wanted here and that everywhere I go I just end up making things worse, so I may as well just go away entirely. I could just call them up, take whatever drug/aptitude tests are required for a rehire, and probably be back to work in a matter of days. Once out on the road, I would deliberately be hard to get a hold of. I want to get away from virtually everyone right now. Timanth is perhaps the only person I'd even attempt to retain regular contact with and, even then, I suspect that he would be happier not having to deal with the continual crap that has been going on in my life lately.

The only other thing I could consider doing is going on an extended, unorganized road trip. I've had a couple people offer to let me visit for a while so far. I don't know how long I could sustain that and, honestly, with the way things have gone with people I would inevitably feel like I'm just bringing other people down to my shattered mental state. I'm sure at least a few of you are going to insist that the preceding is not true, but I'm still going to feel that way, whether or not it's warranted, the moment anything goes even slightly wrong. That and there's really no telling how long such a thing could be sustained, assuming it's practical to do so in the first place; it probably isn't.

Though there might be other options, the above is really all I've been able to seriously consider so far. I have no marketable job skills other than my trucking experience; I have a two-year degree in general studies and no experience in any sort of professional work environment. I could try going back to school - maybe I could do accounting - but I would still need a substantial sum of money to support myself while going through with that and I don't think student loans are a viable option.

So, in short, I'm basically helpless to do anything to improve my life and disappearing for at least a few months seems like a really good idea right now. If there are any other ideas, I'd like to hear them. I would like to have a plan by Friday.