STD Testing

I figured that, as a sexually active gay male, it would probably be a good idea to get myself tested. I doubt I have anything but "doubt" isn't a very good antibiotic or treatment plan if I do. So I called the insurance company to find out if it's covered (it is, but only under the general medical services part) and find out who to talk to. They suggested a primary care physician. I called a couple of such physicians and they all referred me to the health department; none of them do such screenings in their office (and none of them had any openings for two weeks anyway). The health department said it would take three to four weeks to get results and - and here is the one huge problem - I would have to come back to the office in person to get the test results.

Why is coming back a problem? Quite simply, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to come back to get the results at all. I'm only going to be getting home Wednesday evening before MFF and have to leave for work Tuesday morning; unless they get me home exceptionally early on Wednesday or let me have an extra day off, there's no time at all for me to even go in and get my results. The next time I come home wouldn't be until around Christmas and their offices will probably be closed for the holiday, if I'm home on a weekday at all. This means I couldn't get any results for more than three months, at which point the information is damn near useless; I could have just as easily gotten something at MFF or (worse) have something already and simply have no way of knowing it because nobody will give me my test results.

Apparently it's a legal requirement that information about HIV/AIDS status never be given over the phone: both clinics and the insurance company said that after I spent more than half an hour on the phone trying to find out what I can do. So what can I do? Absolutely nothing, it seems. The Santa Rosa County health department requires appointments and didn't have any openings today, while the Escambia County health department does walk-in appointments but only takes 12 people each morning and each afternoon; the afternoon session started at 12:30 and they probably have too many people in line by now anyway since they fill up rather quickly. No other organization or doctor in the area provides testing services to the general public; I looked.

I just wish I knew what to do now.